A recent study of midlife Americans asked, “Which do you fear more, death or retirement?” I was blown away to read that 63% chose retirement.
If you’re afraid of retirement, I have good news for you: you’re not alone and you don’t have to go the traditional route.
Up until very recently I had a preconceived notion about the word “retirement.” It meant reaching a certain age, crossing some kind of imaginary finish line, and ceasing all of my previous activities.
That’s what I used to think. But I am learning that this traditional concept of retirement is only one option of many. I’ve experienced one alternative to the traditional model and it has brought incredible joy and satisfaction to my life. Call it a midlife renewal rather than retirement. Whatever label one puts on it, I’ve learned that it’s important to deal with it directly and not ignore it.
When my partners and I launched our company, Credera, back in 1998, we did what all entrepreneurs do: We dreamed big, we took risks and we leapt out into the deep waters. Yes, there were the occasional storms out there, but for the most part it has been pretty smooth sailing. Hard work and sweat equity have yielded a thriving consulting company that is making a difference in the world. I am proud of that.
Success brings its own issues that cannot — or at least should not — be ignored. For one thing, your calendar fills up quickly with meetings and duties. When we began this enterprise decades ago, we all hoped there would be a day when there was so much activity that we would have trouble keeping up with all of it. That’s a good sign of a thriving business, right? In those early days we didn’t have the luxury of hiring someone to take some of the load off us, so we divided and conquered and, thankfully, got it all done.
To be honest, there were parts of the business that I was doing that I didn’t love. I did them anyway. As we grew, we began to have more options as we hired talented people to help us with all aspects of the business. I began to rethink my priorities — not only with my company but in all areas of my life.
Things had changed for me. My young children were getting older. Like most kids they had lots of activities and I found myself missing those events more often than I would have liked. At first, it was a quiet whisper, a ‘smoldering discontent’ as my friends at the Halftime Institute call it.
I was in halftime. And, I was in my early 40s. I had been in a high impact leadership role for almost 20 years and we were doing well in many ways. The very idea of scaling back or changing things seemed daunting. And it challenged my ego. How would I explain what I was proposing, whatever that turned out to be? Whatever the outcome, I had to figure it out.
The midlife renewal
In some ways, it’s probably easier to ignore the whisper and keep moving forward. That seems comfortable somehow, doesn’t it? But discovering what’s next requires that we step out. We must be intentional about the search.
Like most people, I had lots of questions. Where will this halftime journey take me? What will it mean for my family? For my business? What will I have to give up? Will I find what I’m looking for?
Thankfully, I joined a Halftime cohort and when I enrolled I was paired with an insightful and engaging coach to guide me through the process. That focused year of meeting with like-minded peers who were also trying to figure out their lives was priceless. For one thing, just knowing that there were others who were experiencing this phenomenon confirmed that I was not crazy, that this was a part of living an intentional life and paying attention to and caring about what I should be doing in all aspects of my life. I also avoided “paying the dumb tax,” making the mistakes often made when going it alone. I was able to gain valuable insights from those who had gone before me.
I learned a great deal from the others in my group and I gained new friends of substance.
During the course of that year, I made some firm decisions. This came out of a process of self-discovery and then a coaching process that helped me turn those findings into an action plan. I had to get out of my own way and be humble enough to admit that I couldn’t do everything and that my ceding at least some of the spotlight to others was the best thing for everyone involved.
I came to know that at my core is a passion for winning. I am fiercely competitive. I like the chase. The short two-to-three-month cycle of strategizing and rallying the team to figure out how to win a new client gives me such joy and satisfaction. But, that process is kind of like a dog chasing a bus. What’s he going to do with it if he catches it? In the consulting business those wins turn into long term relationships with lots of details and work that, quite honestly, others are better at than I am. I wanted to hand that part of my work off to people who loved it. And that took a bit of surrender, which wasn’t easy.
Once I identified what I wanted, I approached my board of directors and engaged them in next steps. They are amazing people, so I didn’t have to worry about their response. They understood completely, and I set about restructuring my workday and duties to have more time with my wife and kids. I even co-wrote a book around my passion for being a Christian in the business world — another endeavor at the heart of my passions.
I have found all of this to be a process rather than a finish line. Yes, I have gone through this midlife renewal. But, this is for now. I want to continue to be intentional and focused and not miss whatever is next for me and my family and my business. I would guess that the road ahead will have lots of twists and turns and different scenery and new roles. I’ll try to listen carefully as I go. I’ll pay close attention to the winds of change when they blow and do my due diligence.
And, when it’s time, I’ll “retire” again and restructure and reorganize around what’s next.
